Welcome 2022, I hope you’re nicer to us than the last two; I’m not holding my breath.
I’m working on sobriety again. I’ve been working on it for 4 years, it gets old, like Groundhog Day. Day 3. I told J I’m doing Dry January and he said he’d do it too, we did a pinky-swear. This is the first time he’s expressed any desire to not drink. I really think it’s more about me, I’ve said I’m going to do 30 days so many times in the past year and I haven’t gotten past like 3 weeks since early 2020.
I’m a member of Tempest – alcohol free support community, The Luckiest Club – alcohol free support community and The PATH by This Naked Mind – a year long program to help rethink one’s relationship with alcohol. You’d think I’d have this shit under control by now with all this support and education. It’s a process and I feel that eventually it will all come together but in order for that to happen I have to actually do the work. Just watching videos and listening to others share isn’t enough and all of the coaches have said this more than once.
In The PATH I’m doing the Alcohol Experiment, the group started it on December 15 but we all have the freedom to start when we’re ready and on the 15th I was NOT ready. I AM READY now.
Day 1 is Why. Why I Want to Stop Drinking
- I don’t want to die
- lose weight
- lose hangovers
- more productive at home and at work
- I hate the way it feels to have my hips touch the sides of my office chair
- fit into my clothes
- fix digestive issues
- sleep better
- remember my evenings
- save money
- not make an ass out of myself
- get rid of the shame
- more present for the girl (I just call her that because I don’t want the kids names out here)
- I don’t want my legacy to be that I was a drunk
- get more exercise
- create more happiness and less regret
- I’ll be proud of myself
- When I talk to people I forget words
- I want to know what I said and did last night
- the ringing in my ears
- my skin is dry
- my lips are always chapped
- sometimes my mouth hurts
- sometimes I think I feel my liver
- I’m puffy
- I don’t like what I see in the mirror
- I really don’t like who I am – the next day I’m always wishing I wasn’t me
- I want to think more clearly
- Anxiety the next day, sometimes it’s overwhelming and I can’t deal with every day things
Why I drink
- I think it helps me relax
- I’m less inhibited
- It helps me get out of my own head
- I’m not so uptight
- More comfortable with sex
- Don’t want to feel anxious, frustrated, angry, annoyed
- Jeff and I spend more time together when we’re drinking
- I’m scared our relationship will suffer
- It’s a habit
- I like wine, not sure if it’s the taste or the experience and the ritual
- I’m better able to talk to people
- I feel really disconnected and alone when I’m not drinking
- I’m bored
- I deserve it because of whatever
- It’s Friday or Saturday or maybe any day
- I’m addicted
I’m certain there are more and I’ll probably come back and add them as I think of them.
I’m happy to be sober today and I will not drink today.
try to ignore the mess 